Simplicity is hard

As I have been walking through the focus for lent that Sheena and I chose it is becoming quickly evident just how dependent I am on materialism. Let me explain... Our theme this year is "40 days toward justice", specifically as it applies to our awareness that we live selfishly here in the States and what changes we need to make in our lives if we truly are to care for others the way Jesus shows us.

That being said, this is hard.

I consider myself to be a fairly introspective person, possibly very introspective. I often have to do things to turn my brain completely off because it seems to always be going and going, making it impossible to rest. BUT as I evaluate my life and decisions I make as they relate to my comfort, I cannot stop digging deeper into how completely and totally selfish I am to the core.

While I might not have "much" in my own evaluation of myself and my life might be considered "simple" by some, the motivations of my heart have only served to shame me to tears.

During breakfast this morning with a group of guys this topic came up with Ananias and Sapphira from Acts 5. They sold a field, lied to the apostles about the price of the field and God killed them. Jon mentioned that it wasn't the lie that God killed them for, it was their heart. Their motivation was to serve money, to lie about that to the Holy Spirit (which is stupid anyway) and fake their way through a life of following Jesus.

God in speaking to Moses in Exodus 20 (10 commandments), points out immediately that He is a jealous God; that His people are to have no others gods (things that divert our attention from Him). This was the crux of the story in Acts 5. It wasn't the money, it wasn't that Ananias and Sapphira kept some for themselves. Peter specifically says: the land was yours to begin with, it was up to you how to use the money, but you lied about the condition of your heart. The issue was that their god(s) were money and what other people thought.

So back to me, since this is my blog... (how arrogant I know...) I am staggering under the weight of how so much of my life, even as simple as it is by American standards, is occupied with the accumulation of stuff. That my life is defined by things, by luxury and by the cravingfor more and better things. To Hell with people in Haiti who are eating dirt to fill their bellies, to Hell with the garbage dump dwellers in Mexico and India, to Hell with the people in Zimbabwe, Darfur, Congo, Thailand, Cambodia, Bangladesh...

It isn't even that I don't care about those who live there or who are in need there. I do! but that makes my actions that much more offensive, because while I want those situations to be different and while I can be part of making a difference... I am filled with a desire to say "Screw you. It is my money. While your situation sucks, what I really care about is my own luxury..."

God help me. I am just as evil as Ananias and Sapphira... *%$@